Recently I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. It is an auto immune disease that affects the thyroid gland, causing it to be overactive with a slue of symptoms... it's really no fun. Back in 2010 after having Caleb I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid, however the endocrinologist thought it was due to pregnancy and said to give it time and it should resolve. I guess somewhere a long the way I must have gone into remission. Thinking back now to years of health issues I believe I have had a it a long time. Anyway, I think this time stress and pregnancy made it flair up. I was constantly sweating during my pregnancy with Collin, thinking it was due to pregnancy. Finally about 2 months ago I had to get the blood work done right away. I came to a point that my heart was racing, feeling like it was beating out of my chest. I was sweating in 12 degree weather, and my hands were shaking all day. I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open many times of the day. After a few blood tests and seeing my doctor it was confirmed. Graves is not curable, but you can get into remission and around 30% of people can live on with no further flare ups. I am hoping that to be me eventually. I am on medicine right now for my heart rate and for the thyroid. I have changed my diet and have a daily vitamins regimen. The next part was stress management. I need to, I want to slow down.
I have had to start saying no, even though I want to say yes.
YES, I want to continue to direct my church choir! I LOVE it so much and I adore my choir members, but the drive, the time, the little people I need to be getting in bed, the shoulders that raise on the days I have to figure out how to do it all by myself. I've had to say no and let it go.
YES, I want to say to all those mother meet ups and play dates and MOPS meetings, but the constant go, go, go, leaves the kids and I feeling like we are in the car more than we are at home. Hurry and get your clothes on, hurry to eat, hurry to brush your teeth, "We are going to be late!" I've had to say
YES, I want the kids to be in gymnastics and soccer and dance and bible study and, and, and.... is it really good for them. I mean really, to be in a million activities, missing valuable playtime and the opportunity to learn how to just be. To relax and look around them. One activity at a time. I had to say no to more.
See I want to say Yes to so many things. I like saying yes, I have always been able to do it all and do it well. But I'm not anymore, and I'm not sure it was good of me to be anyway.
Slow down Erin. It's an art form that will take time. Slow down and see God, that's even more important. How can I see him through the busy craze, the stress, the fatigue. I mean really see him, spend time with him. Serve my family and their needs and serve my own. I too need peace and recharging.
YES, I want to see the beauty around us and thank god for all he has created. Yes, I want to teach my children that there is more value in spending time together, and looking around than there is being on a constant roller coaster of society expectations. Yes, I want to sit outside, smell the air, turn off the TV, iphone, ipad and just be. Imagine, let them and I be free. It's an art I am working to accomplish. So if it seems I am not blogging as much, or you don't see me as much it's because I am taking time to live. Taking the distractions down and seeking god in all I do. I am still here.